A thinking ...

Hmmm ... how to start ? i have no idea...

The time is showing 3.05am and lucky tomorrow is Sunday ! So, back to my thinking. I had been asked many times why did i break up with my ex. And my answer will always be the same and will not change just to change how people view me. I break up because of my studies. Studies in term of my own future and my own life. Then, most people will straight away asked me, why you can't be in a relationship de aa while u study ? Honestly, i can but with what i have in mind and heart, i can't. Perhaps i can but it will only make a madman out of me considering the pressure i will put myself in and upon myself. So, it will be easy if you understand my reasons but it will make you think i am a super jerk to do so because of such a lame excuse. But i can't deny one thing. I am being selfish. For my future, my parents and my family.

Why my future ? Pronely speaking, while in this relationship, i faced too much pressure. Considering i need to finish up a pile of workload and the emotion thing i had, i felt i am being press down to earth by the very pressure that i had created by myself. For myself. I have classmates and friends who are in a relationship and they study well. Well, i can't comment on them but i can just say that they are good at what they do. I believe in each of us have different abilities. So, i do not have the ability to handle these kind of situation. The reason is simple and straight. WIthout this relationship, my studies has improved but istill can't seem to get the grades i want. I produce no result and this make others doubt me if i quit the relationship because i no longer love her. I am to choose between my future and her. And i had choosen to make my way upon my future.

Why parents ? Well, my father is the only one working in my family so the amount of pressure is very high and the burden of caring a family is very heavy. I wan to help him but not now since i am still studying. Most of my friends will say i live in a big house and even have a car to drive but i know best. My family financial burden, my father's working problem and stuffs. This has push me to break up. By breaking up, i am saving my father's purse as well as the family usage on money. I travel less, usage of phone credits has lessen and i save a lot of money. But i will be in a relationship if the money that i used is earned from my very own sweat and not my father's. He is already working hard for the family and i shouldn't use his hard earn money for my own sake. We are not rich...

Why family ? i mean my family ... Like we all know, the future is darker now. I mean in terms of predicting it. It gets harder and harder considering how fast the modern world is progressing and how crime rate at every country is growing. In future, i do not wish to beg or see my very own family to suffer because of what i had done. NOt because if my deeds but because if my very own failed life. There is nothing more worse for one when one fail in life in which i mean fail to live life the way it was. Well, if we are fated to be together, then we can be a family in future.

You wrote when couple are in love, there can be many reasons but when a couple break up there can only be one and that is the opposite side no longer love the other side. Well, it may be true on most occasion but not for me. I do it because i have my reasons and not because i no longer in love. Sometimes, loving someone doesn't mean we must be together. Plus, both of us have our career and future to work for. When both of us has steady down and if there is fate, who knows... We may just be the loving couple we used to be.

But for now, i am sorry. Sorry for being the world's worse jerk in your life and sorry for being selfish. I just need to. I don't hope others will understand but i hope you will. Not only know it, but really understand it and feel it. Just like how i understand and feel what you feel when you relate your problems to me and during your sad and happy times. I ask just for this once you treat me the way i treat you before. Thank you and sorry.