Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Thank You ...

Two weeks has passed by since i last updated my blog. Hopefully i didn't miscalculate the time >.< Bye-bye July and hello August. And walla ! STPM trial is just around the corner and the real thing is just a short 3 months which i am quite sure it will just passed by with just a flick of a wand or chopstick. Either one will do since there is no real magic in this world. I mean the magic where Harry Potter and the gang did of course. Not those done by David Blaine ... Haha

August... This is a month of history for me since i will be making a birthday party which i had done before, let alone organizing it. I am quite worried about how it will goes by then. BUT i will not like to think it as a birthday party like how my parents and friends thought of. No offense >.< Hmmm ... how should i put it ? Haha

The day i stepped into SMJK Yu Hua, my first impression was, my life is going to be tough since i had never "socialize" with SMJK students. Since i was educated in a SMK environment, i am quite used to being friends with the SMK student. You can say that i kept thinking that i will be moving myself into a culture shock which i did but not in terms of friends but how the school was governed >.< But of course, i am not going to talk about how does the admin goes around. I want to concentrate more on telling you all about the friends i met in my new school.

So, of course the first few months are the hardest since i need to suit myself into the new SMJK environment. I was fortunate to have you guys to be truth. Before meeting you all, my impression on students of non-SMK students are you are all 'chuan' fellows. But what do you know, these mates had my naive mind changed and i thanked you all so much ! They are not only helpful mates but are quite friendly as well. Bye bye to my younger days thinking. Experiences does make one grows >.<

Being president is hard since i was not previously a YuHua-rian. I was dumb-found about how the school run things. But what do you know, i was lucky to have friends such as Manny and Chinny to help me around. They let me know the inputs and give me some advices. Well, some of it can be craps but then who cares, at least i learned something and i was able to get some activities done. Thanks to their very help ! Of course, my committee and members helped as well. Although we are from different school and barely know each other well when we take on our post but we manage to overcome that barrier. Things like this does seems to be a bit little but heck ! without it, my club is going nowhere and i thank these people for being there with me

Class life ? I can't describe it using any other words but the word merry. To be honest, i can't bear to live in a class where silence fill it most of the time. It is great to have some noise = singing + crapping + nonsense + gossips . Life is more meaningful at Yu Hua. Thanks to my mates ! Hmmm ... well, not all the time we are merry though especially when the real exams comes by but we still have a heck of fun. As though we are having fun going through exams >.<

Sometimes, we do have some misunderstanding. Maybe because what we said and what we did to each other but it will be forgiven the very next moment and understanding toward each other grows deeper. That is the good part. Well, human does change but then that will be the future. For now, we try to understand each other for who we are now. Without friends, i am not who am i today. Because they are the one who judge me and realise what and where i did wrong. Sometimes, maybe not through words or conversation but from actions. The way one act can prove many things since it gives an impression >.< Thanks for being my judge for this half and one year ! Some may said why i said so much since it is just that short. Hmmm ... i wonder ... A friend of mine said before that he has no best friend or good friend but just friends. I have a different view. I may not have best friend or good friends but i have good people as my friends and what can i ask for more ? I am lucky compare to many others who turn bad eggs because of friends. I felt lucky to have known these good and nice people who had help my parents to make me who am i today. This of course not only my Yu Hua friends but my old pals and Pandan Indah dudes ! Thank you to you all !

SO, the purpose of helding this party is kind of like a gratitude thingy to all my friends rather than a birthday party. My birthday is the day where i was brought into this world by my parents. It is a day not to celebrate but to be thankful to my parents. I had done that all these years. So, this year is a bit different. I will not be celebrating my birthday but i will like to help my parents and myself to thank my friends for giving me memories whether sweet or sour. My parents will always complain about you all. How you all go here and there and spend ? Never told you all. BUT the important thing is that, at the end of the day, my parents feel lucky because their son, me, has friends whom not only did not teach me the wrong things but friends whom can walk along the path of life with me. You all make my life more meaningful when i am alone and that is a good thing. Meaningful in a good way and not in the bad way.

Thank you,
I must say,
for giving me the chance,
to be your friend,
to know you,
to ask you questions,
to share,
to enjoy life,
and the most important,
to experience life the way it was,
Thank you,
for making my life
and who i am.
Thank you, my beloved friends....

Dedicated to all my friends

The way i write things can be quite lame or something else but hopefully not boring >.<



Sunday, July 13, 2008

Emotion...


Down upon my food i look,
i wonder,
why is this chicken taste nothing but
like mild water ?
Why is it this bread not taste as sweet
as it used to be...

Without realising the very thing,
i had stuff my poor appetite with much food,
which my bud taste nothing but sadness,
sourness, loneliness...
What has become of me?

Did i over-ran?
Or life is trembling down upon me?
Or
i am regretting something
which my heart,
my own self soul...
doesn't recognise It
the question of a life chapter
hanging unbalance behind my mind...

Running too much,
exhaustion creeps in,
attacking the very self,
whether mind or soul,
where It never stop,
making a suffering spot out of this
helpless self...

Pressure coming down as one upon you,
Guardians babbling,
on how you live your life ?
Alphabets and numbers
torturing the mind every now and then,
teasing at how weak you are,
And
fighting the very lone battle
which live along with you,
in your very own self,
where it never stops
unless
you no longer find soul
in the mass your are now in ...

Or is it ?
regretting what you had done,
in learning, respecting or
love...
the way you learn things,
the way you cultivate it,
or is it
how you respect your family?
your parents ?
or is it
the way you love,
hurt and miss
the very person
you swear you will never will
ever hurt ?

Looking back upon this
should be tasty meal,
i realised,
the very thing which is crawling inside me,
i realised,
why i felt so much
to find a peaceful place,
to just lie down and feel the harmony
in the air,
i realised,
it will never leave me
till the very last day i live my life,
cause it is part of me,
part of what makes me human,
It is...
emotion...

And i blame no one,
neither earth
nor heaven,
for this gift is,
god blessing upon me...

A thinking ...

Hmmm ... how to start ? i have no idea...

The time is showing 3.05am and lucky tomorrow is Sunday ! So, back to my thinking. I had been asked many times why did i break up with my ex. And my answer will always be the same and will not change just to change how people view me. I break up because of my studies. Studies in term of my own future and my own life. Then, most people will straight away asked me, why you can't be in a relationship de aa while u study ? Honestly, i can but with what i have in mind and heart, i can't. Perhaps i can but it will only make a madman out of me considering the pressure i will put myself in and upon myself. So, it will be easy if you understand my reasons but it will make you think i am a super jerk to do so because of such a lame excuse. But i can't deny one thing. I am being selfish. For my future, my parents and my family.

Why my future ? Pronely speaking, while in this relationship, i faced too much pressure. Considering i need to finish up a pile of workload and the emotion thing i had, i felt i am being press down to earth by the very pressure that i had created by myself. For myself. I have classmates and friends who are in a relationship and they study well. Well, i can't comment on them but i can just say that they are good at what they do. I believe in each of us have different abilities. So, i do not have the ability to handle these kind of situation. The reason is simple and straight. WIthout this relationship, my studies has improved but istill can't seem to get the grades i want. I produce no result and this make others doubt me if i quit the relationship because i no longer love her. I am to choose between my future and her. And i had choosen to make my way upon my future.

Why parents ? Well, my father is the only one working in my family so the amount of pressure is very high and the burden of caring a family is very heavy. I wan to help him but not now since i am still studying. Most of my friends will say i live in a big house and even have a car to drive but i know best. My family financial burden, my father's working problem and stuffs. This has push me to break up. By breaking up, i am saving my father's purse as well as the family usage on money. I travel less, usage of phone credits has lessen and i save a lot of money. But i will be in a relationship if the money that i used is earned from my very own sweat and not my father's. He is already working hard for the family and i shouldn't use his hard earn money for my own sake. We are not rich...

Why family ? i mean my family ... Like we all know, the future is darker now. I mean in terms of predicting it. It gets harder and harder considering how fast the modern world is progressing and how crime rate at every country is growing. In future, i do not wish to beg or see my very own family to suffer because of what i had done. NOt because if my deeds but because if my very own failed life. There is nothing more worse for one when one fail in life in which i mean fail to live life the way it was. Well, if we are fated to be together, then we can be a family in future.

You wrote when couple are in love, there can be many reasons but when a couple break up there can only be one and that is the opposite side no longer love the other side. Well, it may be true on most occasion but not for me. I do it because i have my reasons and not because i no longer in love. Sometimes, loving someone doesn't mean we must be together. Plus, both of us have our career and future to work for. When both of us has steady down and if there is fate, who knows... We may just be the loving couple we used to be.

But for now, i am sorry. Sorry for being the world's worse jerk in your life and sorry for being selfish. I just need to. I don't hope others will understand but i hope you will. Not only know it, but really understand it and feel it. Just like how i understand and feel what you feel when you relate your problems to me and during your sad and happy times. I ask just for this once you treat me the way i treat you before. Thank you and sorry.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

My WeEk ...

Woke up at 12.15pm today. Hmm... it is quite an achievement for me since i had seldom wake up this late. Perhaps i can achieve this after not having a good sleep for few days and sleep at 2 in the morning on the very last day i achieve this ... Ha ha. Quite an unlogical hypothesis !

So, this week has been quite a boring but with an happy memories. Why? Well, i felt moody throughout the whole week where i kept feeling like wanting to stop schooling for a week or two just to find the a peaceful place. Hmm ... just want to escape from the hectic and KILLING life in form 6 i guess. STPM is just around the corner and the pressure has been building up ever since. To study until late at night everyday and do not take afternoon nap just to make up the lost time is tiring. Well, good thing is that i am still very much human and that's why, i am now exhausted mentally and physically ! These few weeks, having weekends is like having blessing for me. Honestly, i really hope IT NEVER ENDS. These weekends... But then again, it is truely a silly idea XD

In addition to the moody mood, i get to celebrate my the birthday of a classmate and a teacher. Well, it is a simple celebration where birthday song is being sang and cakes were being distributed unevenly among ourselve to be consumed ... The cake are not evenly cut because each of us have different size and of course apppetite ... haha ... And the celebrated is of course JIA WEN and MR CHIEW ! God bless their kind soul and may what they wished come true with a little bit of help from Lady Luck ... The pictures are revealed below (i sound weird)

Mr Chiew, a great teacher and a great man

Great classmates enjoying good cakes >.< A Group photo taking session at the ending of the small ceremony

Jia Wen, great friend and kind person !

The ladies that attend the offcicial ceremony >.<


And then, on Friday ... SMJK Yu Hua Bowling Club has organised a bowling competition at MetroPoint, Kajang... There are those who fared badly "after drinking SUSTAGEN i think, SUSTAGEN=Sat sui jun" and not to blow the trumpet, i am one of them !!! Of course there are those who played a hell of a game and they undoubtfully get the 1st and 2nd placing. One ART and one Science. NOT BAD WAT ! Upper six wooooo ... haha

That's me ! i am a darn bad poser !

Everybody in action !

Handsome and prettt all at one place ! kononnya ... >.<

That day quite end my week with on a happy note i think which i am crossing my fingers and hoping for more in the coming.... SURE !

Currently listening to: Breathless by Shayne Ward (Breathless not because of love but because of the very thing inside myself .... )